California Bans Supermoto Across Golden State

Our April Fools 2017 story. We got a few people but mainly it made everyone laugh, and that’s really what it’s all about. Enjoy!

Supermoto Bans

In a shocking turn of events, California Governor Jerry Brown signed the “Anti-Dank Whoolies Act,” which effectively bans the use of Supermoto motorcycles across the Golden State. Dozens of Supermoto fans gathered in the state’s capital to protest.

The lesser known bill, which was brought before the senate by Republican Senator, Tom Berryhill, had this to say: “It’s an epidemic and just flat out confusing. These motorcyclists are terrifying the public with their wheelies and stoppies, as well as their lack of definition. Is it a street bike? A dirt bike? I’m not sure; the blurred lines confuse and worry me. Obviously, we needed to step in before this behavior spreads.”

The “Anti-Dank Whoolies Act” was the product of a grassroots organization, comprised of suburban parents who shop at Whole Foods exclusively–a point they wanted us to make strikingly clear, although it has no relevance to the story.

When asked about the bill, the group’s leader Patricia Conroy told us her harrowing experience: “I was dropping my son off at his private school, when this thing roared by my Prius (we’re saving for a Tesla). The rider performed what is known as a ‘dank whoolie’ right next to me.” Conroy fought back tears in her recanting of the harrowing tale.

In protest of the new law, Supermoto fans came out in force–around a dozen or so–and discussed the issue. “Any day now, man, any day,” Ken McMillan said to reporters. “Supermoto is gonna explode soon, this law can’t hold us down. It’ll be 2006 all over again!” Much like his Mountain Dew laden diet, and his sense of fashion, McMillan will never let go.

That said, if anyone has an XR650R for sale, I’ll buy it.